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Updated 10/29//06 Note these are new messages from Erics Father.....
Dear Friends and Family, 10/29/06 Update
These past few weeks have been quite difficult for me. Although I enjoyed my visit to Georgia, it did not
relieve the constant sadness I feel over losing Eric. Weekends still remain very difficult, especially Saturdays.
There are days when life just looks so bleak and I see no silver lining in the clouds hovering over me.
The depression, combined with the lack of sleep, keeps me feeling weary all day. Even with the aid of sleeping
pills, I feel fortunate to sleep four hours a night. I know this contributes to the problem. I did sleep well
for several nights while in Georgia but even then the sadness gripped me without relent.
I read an article a few days back by a man who lost a son about Eric's age ten years ago. He said the second year
was hardest for him. Lord, I hope not. I'm not sure I have the strength. I've decided to visit our doctor
to see what options he may have to offer.
Saturday evening, one of the Windcrest firefighters came by to tell us that the funeral home finally installed Eric's
headstone. Diana, Brian and I went to look at it. I was a little concerned about going; not sure of my reaction
to the marker.
Surprisingly, when I saw it, I felt a peace settle on me. The marker is a fitting statement to the world about
our son. The monument company used a combination of old and new technologies to engrave it. They used laser
technology to etch his pictures and the Fireman's Prayer. Then they carved his name, dates, and epitaph
into the granite using the old technology, typical of most headstones. They did a good job melding the two technologies.
The pictures attached show the marker and a couple of scenes of his grave location.
IMG_2223.JPG Close-up of marker. One of his friends placed four American flags at the corners. The
two green toys are fire trucks. One of the Windcrest junior firefighters pinned a junior firefighter badge to the ladder
of the ladder truck.
IMG_2225.JPG Grave site looking up the hill (away from the road). Eric's grave is behind and to the left
of the large flower arrangement furthest to the right. The cemetery has a rule that prohibits markers that
do not lay flat.
IMG_2226.JPG Grave site looking down the hill. Eric's grave is in the foreground on the right side. Most
of the grave sites around this tree are reserved for military, fire, and police personnel and their families. Eric is
the first firefighter in this group.
As I write this today (Sunday), I still feel some degree of peace in my soul despite the sadness. Perhaps placing
the marker finally marks the beginning of closure for me.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Dear Friends and Family,
During the cemetery ceremony, Bexar County Fire Alarm issued a "Final Call" for Eric. This call was broadcast on
the fire alarm network throughout Bexar County. It is one of the final honors made to a fallen firefighter.
The Bexar County sequence of Eric's Final Alarm can be heard at http://photos.templin.org/doppFA.wav. For those with a dial-up modem, the file may take a couple of hours to download. It is about two and a half
minutes long and about 6 megabytes in size. I will forward the Leon Valley "Final Call" when I get it.
These past few days were a roller coaster of emotions. My emotions ranged from a near-normal feeling to the blackest,
scariest depression I ever experienced. The two files attached are the article that appeared in the San Antonio
Herald yesterday.
My children and their families from Georgia gathered at our house Monday morning as they prepared to return home.
We drove with them to Schulenburg to have a final meal together before they got on the road. Diana and I drove home,
slowly, to our empty house. We cried together in the evening.
Tuesday was a day of relief, although I had very little sleep. For the first time in days, or so it seems, we have
time alone. We were glad my children and their families from Georgia came to be with us, yet we are also glad that they
are gone. I instinctively feel that we need some time of solitude to help us recover.
Diana went back to work while I mainly wandered around the house. I spent a couple of hours sitting at the picnic
table in the back yard just looking at my orange trees and trying not to think.
When Diana returned from work, we were both feeling so sad. We looked at each other and almost simultaneously said,
"Road trip." We got in the car and drove around aimlessly for a couple of hours. We spent nearly the entire time
talking about Eric, remembering and laughing about the good times together. We even managed to tease and laugh at each
other as we often did when times were normal. It was a refreshing time.
Surprisingly, we both discovered that we truly have no regrets about things left undone or unsaid with Eric. Diana
regrets that she was not with Eric when he died, yet we both know that Eric was really not there. In a way, I'm glad
Diana did not have to experience it. It was the most gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, difficult experience to hold
his hand as he quietly slipped away. It haunts me today and will for a long to come to come, I fear.
We also talked about plans for this summer. Tentatively, we plan to take at least a month-long driving trip.
We have no real plans to go anywhere in particular, nor to follow any particular time schedule. However, we do plan
to visit friends and family in Georgia, Ohio and Colorado.
I slept hardly at all Tuesday night. The formless nightmares I experienced nearly every night since the accident
coalesced into a fixation on the moment of Eric's accident. Until Tuesday night, I successfully avoided all thoughts
about Eric's last conscious moments. Despite a sleeping pill, those thoughts hammered me all night long.
Wednesday morning I experienced the blackest depression of my life. I felt so alone, so lost that
life was no longer worth living. My mantra, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." barely worked
for me. Then I checked my e-mail and found a few jokes. Stupid things, really, but they made me chuckle.
I reckon that if I can laugh in the midst of the bleakest depression, hope may exist after all. Thanks,
David, Tim, and Dee. Your jokes helped more than you may ever know.
I took two sleeping pills and managed to sleep for seven hours.
Thursday was another bad day for me, although less so than Wednesday. I realized during the day that not only do
I grieve for the loss of Eric, I miss him as well. Eric was rarely home more than one day in three. He worked twenty-four
hours on and forty-eight hours off.
We usually talked for an hour or so when he got home from a shift, then he would nap for a few hours and take off to
the Windcrest fire station or go "hang" with his friends for the rest of the day. He would come in after I went to sleep, then
he was up and off again. Yet, we always managed to talk and laugh for few minutes each day.
I find myself hearing noises in the house and automatically looking around to see if it is Eric. I catch myself
unconsciously looking out the front window to see if he's coming down the street. I hear a siren and wonder if
he is on the truck. I wonder if I will ever again hear a siren, or see a fire truck, or see an ambulance without wondering
if Eric is there.
Thursday night we went to our first Compassionate Friends meeting. This is a group of people who lost a child
meeting to share their grief and their healing with each other. We met a lady who has walked this path twice; the first
time forty years ago when she lost a young child to an infection, the second time seventeen years ago when she lost her eighteen
year old son to an automobile accident. We met a couple whose thirty-three year old son was murdered eight years ago.
We met another couple whose young daughter just stopped breathing while her father was holding her. That was a case
of sudden infant death that occurred just a few months ago. A father whose son committed suicide said he still,
years later, hears the sound of the gunshot.
As I listened to the stories they told, each of them different and unique, as they shared their grief and their
feelings, I realized that I was listening to my story. What they felt, I feel. How they reacted, I react.
We learned that the pain never leaves, though it becomes easier to bear. We also learned that people go through the
stages of grief at different speeds.
We learned that friends may become irritated that we continue to sorrow for many months. After all, life does go
on, doesn't it? We learned that those who have not lost a child or a close sibling can not understand how devastating
and long-lasting is the loss. We fervently pray that those of you who have not experienced this, never
experience it.
We learned that there are as many ways to cope with the grief as there are people on the planet. Everyone is different
and there are no "wrong" ways to cope. Some people cry incessantly. Some eat constantly, others stop eating
altogether. Some retreat into emotional isolation, some throw themselves into a frenzy of activity. I write, Diana
prays, and we road trip. Fortunately, road tripping works for both of us.
We learned that time will heal the wounds, that life becomes good again, that sleep is a time of peace rather than something
to dread, that wakening in the morning is a time of joy rather than sorrow.
We learned that we are not alone.
Thank you to everyone for your continuing care and concern. We appreciate it more than you know. If any of
you become tired of these updates, please don't hesitate to let me know to remove you from the list. It certainly won't
offend me or hurt my feelings. Believe me, I understand not wanting to experience this even vicariously.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
Friday was a mostly numb day for me. I feel numb spiritually, emotionally, physically. My mind continues
to skitter around thoughts of Eric. It just hurts so much to think of him that my mind seems to wander off to other
things.
Brian brought over a copy of Eric's death certificate in the evening. Diana cried because it represents one more
nail in Eric's coffin (no pun intended, seriously). Every little thing that is a reminder that we will never see Eric
again in this life is like a hammer blow to both of us.
I e-mailed a copy of the death certificate to our lawyer so he could complete the Small Estate Affidavit. The process
of settling Eric's estate will now begin in earnest. Brian plans to contact the various insurance companies and banks.
He will begin with a meeting Monday with Leon Valley.
Brian has to handle this end because Eric listed Brian as his beneficiary. The day he filled out his paperwork,
Diana and I were unavailable so he listed his brother. Every entity that had financial dealings with Eric requires a
certified copy of the death certificate. While I recognize the necessity of verification, each item feels like just
another nail.
I finally went to sleep around midnight but awoke again before four o'clock. I had no nightmares or dreams
that I remember, but was simply overwhelmed with sadness.
Saturday was a day of extreme depression for both of us. It seems so unreal that just a week ago we buried our
son. It just feels so unfair. We cried together.
To escape our home, we road tripped again today. We drove to Fredericksburg for lunch. On the way, we stopped
at the Ancira RV store in Boerne to look at some RVs. We plan to buy one in a couple of years when Diana retires.
We both have a dream of traveling extensively.
We left shortly after arriving because the salesman simply would not leave us alone. We explained we were only
looking and had no intention of buying for a couple of years. I guess he figured he was such a "super talker" he could
convince us to buy one that day. I wonder if he will ever realize that not only did he not make a sale to us that day,
he won't have the opportunity in the future?
My irritability fuse remains extremely short.
We traveled on to Fredericksburg. We ate lunch at a German restaurant. The meal was expensive, service was
adequate. Food continues mostly tasteless to me. Well, I suppose it tastes like plastic and cardboard to me, although
Diana did enjoy hers. I noticed a couple of people our age eating at another table with a young man. The sight
triggered a major depression attack for me.
We decided to return by all the back roads we could find. We drove to Johnson City (Lyndon Johnson's boyhood home)
then to Wimberley. The area around Wimberley is beautiful, although the town itself, like Fredericksburg, is mostly
a tourist town. I love the Hill Country. Most of the roads have "character". Lots of curves and steep hills
and plenty of beautiful scenery.
From Wimberley, we traveled to San Marcos, Lockhart, and Seguin (suh-GEEN'). Lockhart was a difficult town for
me because Eric worked at the Lockhart Fire Department as a relief firefighter. We drove south out of Lockhart to old
highway US 90, which we followed to Seguin.
Old highway 90 is a beautiful drive. Traffic is quite light because most vehicles stay on Interstate 10.
It reminds me of driving thirty years ago before the traffic got so heavy. Interstate driving is certainly faster and
more efficient, but the old roads seem to have more interesting sights. We enjoyed looking at the farms and ranches
we passed.
Altogether, we traveled about three hundred miles. The drive triggered our first argument since Eric died.
She worries that I drive too fast. I worry that she drives too slow. As usual, we agreed to compromise.
I will try to drive a little slower and she will try to drive a little faster. I wish we could deal with our grieving
so easily.
The evening was very sad for both of us. Diana and I miss Eric so very much. Home is no longer a refuge.
I can understand why people who suffer a loss like ours would want to sell the home and move away. We hold firm to our
decision not to make any major decisions for at least five more months. Another numb day for me, although my heart aches
with missing Eric.
We talked about how glad we were that we got to know Eric and Brian as adults. Both boys grew up to be not just
our children but our very good friends also. I think that is what makes Eric's loss doubly hard for us.
I decided to try walking in the early mornings. With the heat of the summer rapidly approaching, I'm sure that
is the only way I will continue with my exercise plans.
Sunday was another very sad day for us. We drove to LaVernia and had an early lunch at The Texas Steak Co.
Nothing on the menu appealed to me, so I settled for a hamburger. I guess I should have just gone for a small salad.
We returned by way of all the back roads I could find.
We stopped on one road way out in the country, rolled down the windows and turned off the engine to listen to the silence.
Well, silence except for the birds, of course. It felt good to just sit in the silence. No TV, no traffic noise,
no airplanes, no sounds of wind blowing, just silence and the symphony of bird song. It lifted my depression and my
spirits just a little.
Alex came by a little after six o'clock to give Diana her allergy shots. Alex works the "A" shift for Leon Valley.
Eric used to give Diana her shots every Sunday and Alex agreed to take up that burden. We always enjoy the conversation
when he comes. It always comforts me as well because he stays to be sure Diana has no adverse reaction to the shots.
We talked a little about receiving condolences from John Travolta. One of Eric's favorite movies was "Ladder 49",
which starred Travolta. He sent a picture of himself dressed in firefighters' Class A uniform, saluting. When
we received it, I remember first thinking, "Why the Hell is John Travolta sending us a signed picture. Then I read the
inscription, "To the family of a real hero, Eric Dopp," followed by his signature. I have no idea how he found about
Eric, probably through a clipping service, but it was a class act thing to do.
We went over to Brian's house for dinner with him and Renate. They fixed shish-ka-bobs, one of Diana's favorite
meals. After eating, we spent a pleasant hour on the back porch just talking. Brian and Renate live in the house
where we raised the two boys. We have many fond memories of pleasant hours spent on the back porch in the cool
of the evening.
We returned home and prepared to go to bed. I awoke after about three hours suffering from a panic attack.
I don't know what triggered it. It was unpleasant.
Monday, I went back to sleep around 7:30 a.m. and slept for a little over three hours.
I have a long list of things to do and accomplished only one of them. I did cancel Eric's cell phone. I have
no motivation and find it difficult to "kick start" myself into action.
Diana came home from work, crying for Eric. I know it is good for her to do that, but I feel so helpless because
I find it so hard to comfort her. Her grief triggers mine and then I want someone to comfort me. I feel so
selfish at times, yet, I know what I feel is a normal part of the whole process. I just wish it was OVER.
Around seven o'clock we decided to visit the cemetery. I still hesitate to go there, but thought it might help
Diana. Surprisingly, I also took comfort from visiting the gravesite. It is so very peaceful there.
I firmly decided to begin once again on Tuesday the process of sending thank you cards to all those who supported
us.
Thanks to those who sent jokes throughout these past few days. The occasional chuckles help.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
Tuesday began as another very difficult day but ended as a near normal, pre-accident type day. I awoke after
sleeping barely three hours just overwhelmed with sadness and depression. I cried alone, as usual. It embarrasses
me to cry in front of others. I simply can not overcome the idea that men don't cry.
I spent about an hour and a half writing the e-mail update. After sending it, I walked about a mile before the
sun came up and felt a little better. Brian came to the house at 8:30 a.m. We talked for a while over coffee and
then went to one of the credit unions to close Eric's account. I walked home from the credit union (about a half
mile) and Brian went on to take care of his business.
I took Eric's jeep out for a drive. I wanted to get it on the freeway where I could "open it up". The drive
must have done me a lot of good because I returned home feeling much better. I remained extremely sad, but the depression
was much les intense.
As I read my e-mail, I found a joke cartoon sent by my daughter. (I attached the picture. Some of you may
have already seen it because I forwarded it to those on my joke list.) The picture made me laugh loud and long for the
first time since Eric died. My depression lifted completely and I felt nearly normal. It was a welcome relief.
I went to Home Depot to buy some tomato plants and a couple of large pots. We received a potted orange tree
as a gift from a friend and I want to transplant it to one of the bigger pots. The other is for Brian and Renate because
they also have a new orange tree.
Brian came back by the house in the late afternoon and we talked about his business. It felt very good to focus
on something other than my grief. Diana came home from work while Brian was here and we had an enjoyable visit.
Diana and I talked for a while and neither of us cried. The numbness I feel receded a little. I went to sleep
around 11:00 p.m. and awoke around 6:30 a.m. A good night's sleep and no sleeping pills!
The day began as a lump of coal but turned into a diamond. I will treasure this day for some time to come.
I pray we will have many more to come.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
I awoke Wednesday around 6:30 a.m. The residual good feeling from Tuesday wore off by 9:30 a.m. I
felt the depression that has plagued me for so long began to creep back. It comes on like a deep, black, dense fog that
appears on the horizon and gradually sweeps all the light before it. I decided that I have to try to control it because
it is no fun to have all the joy in living sucked out of you.
I had to make a trip to Brian's office which is near a book store. After leaving his office, I went to the book
store and browsed for an hour or so. For me, browsing in a book store helps like shopping does for Diana.
It relaxes and distracts me. I found and bought a half dozen science fiction books that look good. The depression
retreated somewhat, although I still feel it trying to worsen.
When I returned home, I tackled a slow drain in our shower. (I cheated, I think, because I used muriatic acid in
the drain. It's not a permanent fix but will solve the problem for a few weeks.) I still have several projects
to do but I just don't have the motivation to start them.
I began the process of assembling the information I need to probate Eric's estate. I really do not want to do it,
but I suppose it is like eating sweet potatoes. It makes me want to throw up, but sometimes you just can not avoid it.
(As an aside, sweet potatoes are not food fit for human consumption. It is more appropriate to use them as ammunition
to throw at an enemy. No, I do not like sweet potatoes.)
I also reviewed the funeral tapes we received from the church. I want to convert them to a DVD before we make our
trip to Georgia. It was both a difficult and a comforting chore. I dreaded watching it because I was so distraught
that Saturday. Surprisingly, although it made me sad, the message that Reverend Davis delivered was a comfort to me.
His message was on how to deal with "Unfinished Business" with Eric. The comfort to me was knowing that Diana and
I had no unfinished business with him. The only real and truly important thing in life is to let your children know
that you love them. Diana and I did and do that every time we talk with them.
We received a very comforting e-mail from one of Eric's friends in which he said,"[Eric] was very fortunate to have you
and Mrs. Dopp as his parents. I know that he realized this,
for he spoke lovingly of you both to me when we would talk about our families. It was also very clear that he had the
same love for all his siblings, here and abroad." It feels good that Eric knew and understood how much we
love him.
When Diana returned from work, we went to Whataburger (a fast food place like Burger King) on a "date". We talked
about Eric and our upcoming road trip. Diana wants to go to Kaufman to spend Easter with her brother. She
took three days off next week so we could take a small trip through East Texas. I know my depression worries her
and she's smart enough to know how to distract me!
I stayed up quite late Wednesday night trying to figure out ways to deal with the disabling depression. I decided
that if truly "I am the master of my fate," I can not let the depression rule my life. I know that dwelling on thoughts
of Eric and how much I miss him triggers the depression, so I decided to stop dwelling on him.
That doesn't mean I will forget him, just that when the thoughts become too painful, I will do things that distract me.
Things like writing this journal, driving, working in the yard, reading an entertaining book; all these things distract me
from my grief.
I awoke Thursday after a good, dreamless night's rest. I went for a walk around the neighborhood at 5:30 a.m.
Somehow, everything looks so different in the early morning hours before the sun comes up. There is a certain pre-dawn
quietness that comes upon the world. It is as if the world is taking a breath, getting ready for the hustle and bustle
of the coming daylight. Some of that peacefulness seems to seep into me and strengthens me for the day ahead.
I noticed lights coming on in a few houses I passed. I wondered what they were getting ready to do this day.
I wondered what I was going to do this day.
As it happened, I spent most of the day doing tax returns, mine and Eric's. Each year I think I will do the tax
return early and each year I wind up doing it nearly on the last day. Diana says I am like the shoemaker in the old
fable whose children were the last to get new shoes. I have a degree in accounting yet I still put off doing taxes
until the last moment. Maybe I should learn to be a shoemaker.
Brian came by in the afternoon and we took Eric's jeep out to Sonic to get some drinks. I think he loves the Jeep
as much as Eric did. Brian wants the Jeep and we will transfer it to him after we get Eric's estate probated.
We wanted to go to a Compassionate Friends meeting but it was cancelled. Instead, we had our own mini-meeting and
talked about how we experience our grief differently. After talking about for a half hour, we decide to stop by to visit
Brian and Renate. They will be gone to Louisville and Kansas City on business by the time we return from our road trip.
We had supper with them. We contributed a loaf of fresh home made bread. Cindy, Alex's wife, came by to give
Diana her shots. Since we will be out of town on Sunday, Diana decided to take her shots early. We gave Cindy
a loaf of fresh bread as well. It is a small gesture of how much we appreciate Alex and Cindy filling in for Eric who
used to give the shots. Alex is a Leon Valley firefighter and Cindy is a nurse. And we appreciate both of them.
Diana and I plan to take a five day road trip this time. We will leave Friday morning to go to Kaufman to spend
a couple of days with her brother. We will come back by way of East Texas. We plan to stay on the back roads and
just enjoy the countryside.
I will not post any more updates until we return, although I plan to write a little each day.
When we return, I will get serious about sending out thank you notes and cards. It seems like such a small
way to say thanks to everyone who cared and showed it.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
We got off to a late
start on our extended road trip Friday. We arrived at Joyce and Charles' home in Gatesville around 1:30 p.m. After
lunch at a Chinese buffet, we returned to their home and talked for a couple of hours.
The thing that makes
them so special for us is their unconditional acceptance of us now in our time of grief and sorrow. We laughed, a little,
and we cried, a little. We talked about Eric, but we also talked about many other things. We talked about their
son's upcoming wedding in West Texas and joked about their kids' propensity for marrying far from home. (Their daughter
also married in West Texas.)
Our time with them
was both normal and comforting. They are very special people in our lives. They are family.
We left in the late
afternoon to drive on to Kaufman to visit with Diana's brother Ken and his family. This is another special family for
us. They accept us as we are. They tease us and we tease them. Just as with Joyce and Charles, a visit with
them leaves us feeling happy and better about life.
Saturday was a blue
day despite sleeping for eight hours. It was just six weeks ago we heard that
dreaded knock on the door that changed our lives forever. It was just two weeks
ago we buried our son. As much as I tried not to obsess on the thoughts, the
depression and sadness overwhelmed me. It seems that every Saturday is a blue
day. I suppose I shall have to just endure them until enough time elapses to
make it hurt less.
Diana did the Wal-Mart
thingy with her brother and sister-in-law. I tagged along but spent my time in
the garden center thinking of Eric. Not a good thing to do on Saturday’s. Diana watched a part of the mini-series, “Lonesome Dove” with her brother
and sister-in-law. I spent most of the time just watching Ken’s cattle
grazing while pondering the meaning of life and death.
I know many others
have gone through the loss of a child, yet, this experience is unique to me ... to us. There is nothing in life today
to prepare a parent for the utter devastation and the emotional upheaval. No matter how hard I try, I can not shake
the blue mood. I think I shall reserve next Saturday for a road trip.
I spoke with two
of my children in Georgia. My daughter told me Darien was trying to network his
printer to al the computers in his house. Being me, I could not resist calling
him and feeding him a song and dance about the dangers of networking a printer. I
had him going until I told him one of the dangers is the printer might erase all his VHS tapes. I won’t repeat his comments.
It feels strange
that despite the depression, I can still joke around. Perhaps that is a good sign. No matter how unfair, life
goes on.
Sunday was a mostly good day. I
slept about seven hours and awoke feeling much better than Saturday. The depression
was gone but I still felt quite sad, a normal state for me now. We spent a mostly
pleasant day visiting with Ken and Sandy and our nephew and two nieces.
I talked with my son Dave in Georgia.
I told him about Ken and Sandy's chickens. I mentioned that they buy feed for the chickens, collect more than a dozen
eggs a day and give most of them away. Dave replied, "Gee, Dad, sounds a lot like my business!" Dave owns a restaurant
... or, rather, the restaurant owns him ... in LaGrange, Georgia.
Later, Ken and Sandy prepared a ham
roast that we all enjoyed to excess. Afterwards, we showed
my niece, Jennifer, the lt38 web site that she had not seen before. It was my
first time to see the site since Tim added music to the slide show. The site
with the music was too much for Diana and me. Our grief overtook both of us and
we had to leave the room.
Despite the massive
grief, the day remained better than Saturday for me. Grief combined with depression
is not a good thing. The sadness we feel is a constant factor in our lives.
Diana finished watching
“Lonesome Dove”. We went to sleep around eleven. We plan to get up at eight a.m. and leave for East Texas around nine.
Monday started early
for me. I awoke at three a.m. and could not get back to sleep. After tossing and turning for a half hour, I decided to get up and drive to the local 7-11 for
coffee.
When I returned, I sat outside, smoking and thinking. There are many times I wish I could just turn off
my thoughts. At times, I seem to dwell on thoughts about the accident, how Eric must have felt in the last seconds,
how much I miss him and how much it hurts knowing he is gone. It seems no matter how hard I try to distract myself,
the thoughts refuse to let me go.
This is the most
horrible nightmare imaginable and at times it seems there is no end in sight. And then the sunrise begins. I watched
the black of the night give way to the dim grey of pre-dawn. There was just enough light to see the dark shapes of the
cattle laying in the pasture before me as they began to rise and stir and begin preparing for another day of grazing.
I could see the calves hurry over to the mother cows for their morning breakfast.
The quiet mooing
of the cattle, the sound of the rooster crowing, a mocking bird beginning its morning symphony, the sound of the breeze blowing
through the tree near me, a dog barking in the distance, all seemed to settle my soul. The world is awakening and perhaps
there is hope for us as well.
I attached a couple
of pictures that might give you an idea of the morning.
We left around ten
a.m. and drove to Lufkin. The drive is gorgeous, but then we have always enjoyed driving in East Texas. There
are pockets of affluence and pockets of poverty, but all surrounded by the beauty of the East Texas forests. We had
lunch at a Golden Corral buffet and, as usual, ate more than is good for us.
We decided to turn
north to Nacogdoches (knack-uh-doh-chez). No particular reason to go there, we just didn't want to drive any closer
to Houston. The day was unbelievably hot for this time of year - 103 degrees at two p.m. We stopped at an
RV sales place to look at some large motor homes. Who in their right mind would spend $400,000 for a glorified camper?
By the way, folks,
the unusual heat and drought in Texas this spring is not from global warming. It is part of a normal ten to fifteen
year cycle. Two years ago we had a much colder and wetter than normal spring.
Around three p.m.,
we stopped at a Sonic drive-in to get a drink. We talked about Brian and Renate's upcoming trip to Louisville and
Kansas City. We decided to go back to San Antonio to see them once more before they leave for two weeks. We arrived
in San Antonio at eight-thirty and went over to their house at nine p.m. We had a pleasant visit.
Normally, we would
have just talked with them on the phone and that would be enough. These are not normal times for us and we both felt
the need for their physical presence. We needed to see them, to hug them, and to say, "I love you." We went to
bed late and I was up early, as usual.
When Diana got up,
we decided to travel to West Texas. It has been years since we visited Bandera, the Cowboy Capital Of The World, so
we decided to go there. On the way, we stopped at the Leon Valley fire station to talk with Stan Irwin, the fire chief
and Robert Lee, the assistant chief. They gave us a tour of the station. It was both pleasurable and painful to
see the place Eric loved so much. We talked about coming by on a Saturday to have breakfast with the crew.
Stan and Robert said they would set a day and let us know.
We stopped at the
little town of Pipe Creek to look at some RVs for sale. The place had a good selection of used RVs on consignment.
The place is an RV repair shop and has an excellent reputation. We saw several RVs that interested us, but held firm
to our decision not to make major decisions for a while longer.
At Bandera, we stopped
at the Old Spanish Trail restaurant for lunch. It was an o.k. meal, but the restaurant was too noisy. We left
Bandera and drove to Kerrville. I love the drive because it is a winding road through the hills. Some of the curves
are 15 mph ... and they REALLY mean it! The road climbs up a cliff face to the top of a ridge and then down a cliff
face on the other side. The road has character.
The fields were surprisingly
green, considering how dry it has been. It was a pleasant and relaxing drive. From Kerrville, we returned home.
We talked quite a lot on this trip ... about Eric, about Brian and Renate, about our future. We both cried a little
and we laughed a little.
On Wednesday, we
decided to just stay home and rest. I did some research on the computer about grief and printed off several documents
I think will help Diana. We talked about how our experiences differ. Diana feels a closer bond to Eric, as if
she can feel his presence. I wish I could feel the same, perhaps I wouldn't feel so lost without him.
I still need to complete
the information to probate Eric's estate, but it is a terribly difficult task. I suspect that is so because it will
feel so final for me when I file it at the probate court. I moved it to my to do list for tomorrow. I still have
a horrible time with self-motivation.
My lawn is growing
up weedy, needs mowing, and water, and I really don't care. My two major projects for the spring, painting the wood
on the house and trimming some trees, still remain unstarted and I really don't care. Driving is an escape and
allows me a few hours of normal feeling but the pain comes back just as strong.
I wish the hurting
for us all would stop. Yet, even if I knew Eric's life would be cut so short, I still would not trade the twenty-seven
years we had with him. He was a joy for us. The pain we suffer is a small price to pay for all he brought into
our lives.
Thanks to all who
continue to pray for our recovery. I wish I could join you but I think my prayer bucket is empty.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
It seems that the pain of Eric's loss gets worse every day. We are, I think, over the shock but it seems that as
the grief recedes, a little, the "missing him" grows ever larger. At times the pain is almost unbearable.
Friday morning, after another night with very little sleep, I cried for thirty minutes. Sometimes it is difficult
to be here alone with Diana working. On the other hand, it is sometimes difficult to be here with her. When she cries,
there is nothing I can do to help other than to hold her and cry with her. Just as for me, there are no words to comfort
her. Nothing I can do, nothing we can do, nothing anyone can do will make things better. I suspect that, right
down in the gut level, neither of us has accepted that Eric is really gone and will not return.
I did manage to complete the Small Estate Affidavit. Every letter I typed filling in the form was like a hammer
of doom to my soul. I dread the trip downtown to file the form with the Probate Court. I also tried to complete
some thank you cards. I managed to finish only one. A poor showing, I know, but it is extremely difficult because
thoughts of Eric stay in my mind constantly.
I took a sleeping pill Friday night in hopes that a good night's sleep would help me on Saturday. I slept about
ten hours with no dreams but woke tired and extremely sad.
As I promised myself last Saturday, we took a road trip to Schulenburg for lunch at the Oakridge Smokehouse. We
returned by way of Hallettsville and Alternate US 90, altogether a trip of around 230 miles. The drive was beautiful
but less than relaxing for both of us. Diana cried often on the trip. I guess there is to be no escape for us
this weekend.
In addition to missing Eric, we also miss Brian and Renate. They are in Louisville, working, and plan to go to
Kansas City next. We expect them home Thursday. We talk by phone but that is just not enough. Still, we
know they have to move on just as we do. Hopefully, nursing their business helps to distract them from their pain.
I planned to take a sleeping pill Saturday night but forgot. I awoke around three a.m. and could not go back to
sleep. I debated taking a pill but decided that I did not want to feel groggy all day. We went out to the Flying
J truck stop for breakfast.
We spent most of Sunday doing household chores that we could not put off any longer. Neither of us wants to stay
in the house much because there is too much of Eric here. I spent a good part of the day sitting at the picnic table,
reading and drinking ice tea. Reading is a distraction. Diana went out to do some shopping.
We talked about Eric a little during the day. We also tried to plan our trip in June. We will leave here
probably June 2nd or 3rd and head for Georgia. We plan to stay only a week, maybe a little longer, before we head for
Ohio. Diana wants to visit one of her oldest friends and we plan to spend some time visiting in Geneva, the town
in which I grew up.
Alex came over in the evening to give Diana her shots. We enjoyed his visit. As usual, he left us with a
little laughter and feeling a little better.
Diana began crying around bed time because she misses Eric so much. There was nothing I could do beyond holding
her. We cried together. We both wish this part of the grieving process would end.
After she went to bed and with thoughts of Eric pressing heavily on my mind, I paced the floor for an hour and a half
before finally laying down to rest around midnight. I awoke around three o'clock but did manage to go back to sleep
within the half hour. I awoke again around six o'clock to face another interminable day.
It was a month ago, today, that Eric died. It is hard to believe we made it through this month reasonably intact.
I suppose we shall continue as we have so far, one day at a time.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
Monday was a reasonably peaceful day for me, the first in many, many days where I have not felt like crying every minute.
I did little during the day except read. I still have no motivation to do anything. I went to sleep late and slept
for four hours.
Tuesday was a worse day. The sadness seems much stronger for some reason. I left the house to visit with
an old friend. We had an enjoyable visit and I had an opportunity to fix a computer problem for him. (He worships
me, what can I say!)
I had a moment in the afternoon that was strange. As I was looking for a paper, I seemed to see Eric's shadow walking
down the hall to his bedroom. I just caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye and when I looked closer there was
nothing there.
Diana remains convinced that Eric's presence is in this house and it comforts her. I'm not so sure but glimpsing
the shadow only increased my longing to hold him again.
I woke up around 1:30 a.m. Wednesday and could not go back to sleep. Thoughts of Eric plagued me through the night
and kept me awake. I finally gave up on sleep and made a pot of coffee at 3:00 a.m. I read until six and then
went out for a walk in the neighborhood. The sunrise worked its usual magic on me and I returned to the house in a better
mood.
I went to the Windcrest Fire Station to speak with Tom, the fire chief. I wanted to try to get a copy of a group
picture that hangs on the wall in one of the hallways. He gave me the photographer's name and number and I will contact
him later. I also talked about donating Eric's Paramedic textbooks to the dormitory library. tom said he would
be glad to accept them.
I also spoke with Tom about a woman I saw video taping the cemetery ceremony. He doesn't know who it was but will
try to find out for me. I would dearly love to have a copy of the video tape.
Finally, I asked him to post the list of fire and ambulance companies who participated in the funeral procession.
I gave him a list of twenty-three communities I recognized from the pictures who provided equipment. I hope other members
of the department will check the list and add any I may have missed. I also requested the same from the Leon Valley
Fire Department. We would really like to send thank you cards to all the departments for the honor they showed to our
son.
Thanks you cards still remain a problem for us. We try to do a few each day but the tears just overwhelm us as
we try. The cards and letters we received meant a lot to us then ... and now.
It was an emotionally exhausting day for both Diana and myself. Diana's work distracts during the day but she feels
it harder when she arrives home. She cried a lot Wednesday night before finally going to sleep.
I awoke around 11:30 p.m. and decided to take a sleeping pill. I dislike taking one that late because it leaves
me groggy all day. I went back to sleep around 12:30 and did not wake up until around 6:30 a.m. Brian called at eleven
o'clock and asked me to follow him over to Avis to return his rental car. We went to lunch afterwards at a place called
the Smokey Onion.
My appetite comes and goes so I only had an ice tea for lunch. I enjoyed talking with him about their trip to Louisville
and Kansas City. His business outlook continues to improve. We made arrangements for them to come over to our
house for dinner Sunday evening.
When Diana came in from work, we went to the cemetery to visit Eric's gravesite. As usual it was very peaceful
there. There was a bit of an emotional storm, also as usual. Diana cries more readily than me, but the wanting
to cry is equally strong in both of us.
It interests me that I can feel so sad at all times, yet still find jokes and situations humorous. Thanks to those
forwarding joke e-mails. The smiles, chuckles, and occasional outright laughter helps me feel better. I hope you
enjoy the ones I forward.
Diana and I are going to the Williams family First Cousins reunion on Saturday. We plan to go the funeral home
to make arrangements for Eric's headstone and then leave from there to Kaufman. We plan to spend Friday night with Ken
and Sandy then go to the reunion Saturday morning. We plan to return from the reunion to San Antonio.
The reunion is in northeast Texas so the drive should be very pretty. We look forward to it.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
This past week has been difficult for me.
Diana and I went to the First Cousins reunion last Saturday. The food was excellent as usual. Charles' fried
catfish was out of this world, also as usual. I think he uses magic to cook it! The bad thing about it is I can
no longer eat fried catfish from a restaurant. It just doesn't taste the same!
Northeast Texas is especially beautiful in the spring. We returned to San Antonio on many back roads. I've
attached a couple of pictures that Diana took on the way. These were taken on Texas Route 155.
Several times during the week I noticed that Eric was not constantly on my mind. Of course, when my thoughts do
turn to him the pain is agonizing. People tell us that it will get better. I doubt that. I think that Diana
and I will never again feel that pure joy of living that we used to feel. We may learn to enjoy life again, but I don't
think it will ever be the same.
Things look very, very bleak right now. As I mentioned in a previous letter, we plan to take off on a long road
trip in June. We plan to leave June 2 and return here in a couple of weeks. Perhaps the trip will cure my "blues".
Perhaps not, but it will keep us away from here for awhile.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
Diana and I continue struggling to make sense of the senseless death of our son. We try to avoid the
"what if ..." and "if only ..." scenarios, for there lies the path to madness. Eric was a risk taker. He chose
firefighting as a profession, despite knowing that it is one of the more dangerous occupations. He chose to buy
a Jeep so he could go off-roading. He chose to ride a motorcycle, despite knowing that the risk of death or serious
injury in an accident is so much greater than in a car. Taking risks is part of what made Eric the person he was but,
oh how we miss him.
We raised our children to be responsible adults. We taught them that life is sometimes full of risk. We taught
them to always look for ways to minimize risk, to consider the pros and cons of their decisions, but then to go on and enjoy
life. We taught them that they are responsible for their decisions; that they have to live with the consequences.
I think we forgot that, as parents, sometimes WE have to live with the bad consequences of their decisions.
I look at Brian and realize that he is also a risk-taker, but in areas different from his brother. Brian is an
entrepreneur. In the past, I've seen him bet his entire company on a risky venture ... and win. I watch him, act
as a sounding board for his ideas, offer advice, but in the end he weighs all the options he can see and makes his own decisions.
I've watched him grow into a responsible business leader who serves his community through the services he offers.
Although we did not raise Renate, Brian's wife, we have watched her grow from a somewhat "flighty" college girl into
an astute businesswoman. It tickles us to see her handle problems with aplomb and a cool decisiveness. She, and
Brian, have developed a certain "command presence" as they say in the military. She has become a good leader.
Always sure of herself; always willing to lead.
Diana is in the enviable position of having many people to talk with. Talking is helping her work through her grief.
She works in five different schools during the week so she does not overburden any one group. I find it very difficult
to talk about Eric other than through these updates. It is not that I don't want to talk about him. Rather, I
get so choked up that I can not talk.
I must admit that this week has been better than last for both of us. Perhaps we have finally achieved a certain
degree of numbness to the pain. I find myself on occasion getting through an entire hour without thinking about Eric.
I even woke up Thursday morning from a normal dream. I don't remember what it was about, now, but it was the first normal
dream since the night of the accident.
We decided, as part of trying to get our lives back to a normal track, to buy a storage building for our rent house.
It was something we planned on for this year and now seemed the right time to do it. The building is a 10x12 wooden
building that will look like an old-fashioned barn. The contractor says he will build it on May 29. If the job
goes well, we will probably buy one for this house also.
The price was reasonable - $2,800. It will have a 10x4 loft in the back, barn style double doors, window with shutters
and a flower box, wall and roof vents. I'll have to paint the darn thing myself. We plan to paint it red with
white trim.
Diana and I went out driving on Saturday. We stopped at a consignment lot in Pipe Creek and found what we think
is an excellent buy on a Class C motor home. We are still talking about it. If we buy it now, we will use it for
our June trip. If not, I suppose we will continue looking when we return.
We stopped at a steakhouse in Bandera for lunch. The food was good but way overpriced. We had a pleasant
lunch until a family with two young boys came in and sat at the table next to us. The boys looked to be about seven
and ten years old.
As I said previously, Saturdays are not good days for me. When the youngest boy spilled his tea, it reminded me
so much of Eric at that age that I could not stop the tears. I did manage to pay the bill and get out of the restaurant
without completely breaking down. I had no enthusiasm for finishing the road trip, so we returned home.
I did not sleep well Friday night (I rarely do) and I slept hardly at all last night. Fortunately, the rest
of the week I seem to sleep fine. I suppose I can afford a couple of nights of lost sleep. I sometimes wish Saturdays
would just disappear.
I went outside this morning and decided to start some water on the front yard and to water my orange trees. The
grass needs mowing, the trees need trimming, and the house still needs painting but I just don't care about that anymore.
It troubles me at times that I am so lethargic. I wish I could regain my enthusiasm for life. Sometimes, it seems
that I have no energy at all.
All things considered, we are doing better today compared to a few weeks ago. I find it a little easier to laugh
at jokes and food has begun to taste normal. I can listen to Diana talk about Eric without feeling a desire to run away
(most of the time) and I can sometimes talk about him to her. I think we have both finally accepted the reality of his
death ... although I still find myself occasionally listening for his footsteps in the hall.
Attached is a low resolution memorial photo that we received from the funeral home. We plan to donate 8x10s to
the Leon Valley and Windcrest Fire Departments. We also ordered extra copies for our family. They are a little
pricey, but then, it seems that everything about a funeral is pricey.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
Sunday, for Mother's Day, Brian and Renate took us out to Crumpets for brunch. Jimmy, a friend of Brian and Renate's
accompanied us. Diana dreaded this first Mother's Day without Eric. Instead of sorrow, she (and I) had a very
good time.
The restaurant sits in a wooded area and has a couple of fairly large artificial waterfalls. We sat outside because
the day was cool and cloudy. The restaurant had a man providing background music by softly strumming a guitar.
The sounds of the birds singing in the background made an interesting counterpoint to the music.
It sprinkled for a short while as we ate. The guitar player, sitting in the open (we were under table
umbrellas) quickly began strumming "Raindrops Falling From My Eyes". Clever and humorous use of the situation!
We had an enjoyable couple of hours of good food and good conversation.
We had a "double dose" of Brian and Renate's company because Monday was Diana's birthday. They came over to our
house after work and spent a couple of hours with us. We had a light supper (sandwiches) and a lot of conversation. We
enjoyed the visit.
Grieving seems to be a process of two steps forward and one step back for me. Sometimes my grief comes on like
a tidal wave; insurmountable and unstoppable. During the time that the pain engulfs me, it seems unbearable. The
only difference between the pain now and the pain of a month ago is it does not last as long. A month ago, I felt the
horrible pain from the time I awoke until I finally collapsed into sleep. Now, I feel the pain intensely for two
or three hours at a stretch but only a couple of times a day. I suppose that is progress of a sort.
Last week was, for the most part, a good week for me until Friday. As usual on Friday morning, I went to the cemetery
to visit Eric's grave site and think about my son. As I sat there a couple of mule deer, a doe and her fawn, ran across
the cemetery. I remember thinking Eric would have loved the sight.
With the thought, the pain of my loss hit me just as hard as the day Eric died. Despite the sunshine and bird song,
the day turned very dark for me. It sometimes seems that even Mother Nature conspires to make me feel as miserable as
possible. There are times when, like a sick cat, I really would like to find a dark hole somewhere to crawl into and
either get better or die. I know that this, too, shall pass; that someday the world will be bright again and someday
I will recover my joy of living. I cling to that knowledge like a drowning man would cling to a life preserver.
But some days it is just so hard.
I know from my research that this suffering may last a couple of years or more. Everyone says I should talk
about Eric, but that is still nearly impossible for me to do. I'm sure you know the old saying about someone being choked
up. In my case it is a physical, painful truism. I can speak no more than a couple of sentences about him
before I get very painful cramps in my throat.
Some days it is more difficult than others to have an "unconquerable soul."
As many of you know, Diana and I spent a couple of years looking at motor homes and travel trailers.
Not constantly, of course, but frequently while on road trips, we would stop at various dealer lots. I mentioned
previously one place where we stopped, in Pipe Creek, to look at some motor homes. We found a 1993 Glendale
27 foot motor home that met all our requirements (or nearly so.)
After talking about it for another week, we decided to buy the unit and picked it up Saturday (May 20). We plan
to use the motor home for our trip in June. Diana and I are novices about the RV lifestyle, so I suppose we shall learn
as we go. It is certainly a distraction as we decide what and how to prepare for our trip.
Saturday was also the day of the annual Windcrest Volunteer Fire Department fund-raising picnic. Diana and I had
agreed to volunteer as ticket sellers for this year's event. We arrived shortly after two o'clock in the afternoon
to register and quickly learned it was much too soon after the loss of Eric to attend the function. We were unable
to stay more than five minutes before the painful memories drove us away.
Diana is tremendously excited about the "new" RV. I think she enjoys the idea that it gives her another excuse
to go shopping. I still need to find a good place here to have the engine and generator serviced before we leave in
a couple of weeks.
I decided, as I was writing this, that I will try to avoid going to the cemetery so often. I wonder if restricting
my visits will help lighten my emotional burden. It seems obvious to me that visiting weekly does not provide relief.
Grieving is hard work and I heartily detest the gloom and self-pity I so often feel.
I'm tired of not sleeping well. I want to sleep in a normal pattern again. I'm tired of not eating well.
Some days I eat next to nothing; other days I eat far too much. I'm tired of feeling sad nearly all the time.
We look forward to our trip to Canyon this coming weekend. We will join our oldest friends to celebrate
the wedding of their son, Clint. We look forward to seeing them again. We will not take the RV because it will
be just a short, two-day trip. We plan to drive up the day of the wedding, stay in a motel for the night, then drive
back home.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
Windcrest, TX 78239
Dear Friends and Family,
It's been a few weeks since I last wrote.
At the end of May, we went to Canyon, Texas to attend a wedding. The trip up and back was very good. Well,
except for the Texas DPS trooper who stopped me about fifty miles from Canyon because I was speeding. I was ONLY
doing 76 mph. Fortunately, he only gave me a warning.
The funny thing about the stop is anywhere else in Texas the "do-right boys" won't mess with you as long as you don't
exceed ten miles over the speed limit. Normally, this is especially true in West Texas where most people travel at 85
mph ... except on a fifty mile stretch of Interstate highway south of Amarillo!
The wedding was difficult because Clint is about the same age as Eric. The thought in our minds was how much
we would have enjoyed Eric's marriage. But, then, we didn't go for Clint or for us. We went to celebrate with
his parents who are our dear friends. The wedding was difficult but we thoroughly enjoyed visiting with Joyce and Charles.
On June 2, we left for a four-week, "run away from home" vacation. We hoped the trip would break the grieving cycle
for us. It worked.
We planned to take our new RV on the trip. We traveled only one hundred miles when I realized that it
was not a good idea to take a used RV on a long trip when I was not comfortable with the vehicle. (We are truly novices
about RV traveling!)
We returned home to drop off the RV and start over in our car. We left again on June 3rd headed for Georgia to
visit family. (We decided to make a few short trips in the RV until we get comfortable with traveling that way!)
We stopped in LaGrange to visit my son, Dave and his family, then went on to Newnan to visit Darien and Denelle and their
families. We had a good time visiting and talking with them, although I suffered from severe depression the entire time.
We left Newnan to go to Flowery Branch to visit my sisters and parents. Darien and Denelle and their families went
with us on Sunday and we had a sort-of family reunion. Dave was unable to go because he was in Mobile, AL on business.
While there, we got a five generation picture - both male and female. (Darien, you need to send me the male five-generation
picture!) The kids played in the pool at my sister Linda's place; the adults sat around the pool and talked.
We had fun, laughter, good food, shared memories. All-in-all we had a good time, but the shadow of depression continued
to color everything for me. Memories of Eric were constantly in my mind and wishes that he could be there to share the
fun. I shed more than a few tears during the times I could find to be alone.
We left Wednesday to head towards Louisville, KY to meet our son Brian. Brian has a contract to do some work for
the Louisville Metro government (city and county combined) and had a scheduled meeting with them the next week.
Diana and I decided to travel the back roads to Louisville. We traveled through some beautiful mountain scenery.
I must admit Tennessee surprised me with the extremely low speed limits. I'm just not used to traveling through countryside
on a four lane highway with no traffic at forty miles per hour. Believe me, it is hard to stay awake at those low
speeds!
We stayed the night at the little town of Etowah, Tennessee. The town closed at 4 p.m. and they started
rolling up the sidewalks at 5! We were lucky to find a restaurant that was open until 9 p.m. If you ever find
yourself in Etowah, TN, I recommend the Farmhouse Restaurant (1201 Ohio Ave.) It has good food, good prices, good
service.
We arrived in Louisville on Thursday, then met Brian Friday morning at the airport. We had a great time
for the entire weekend. Mom got her "Brian fix" (as did Dad), and that enabled us to continue our journey without a
side trip back to Texas!
Brian was excited to take us on the Bourbon Trail. We went to a couple of distilleries and learned the subtle differences
between whiskey and Bourbon. ("Bourbon is whiskey, but not all whiskeys are Bourbon." I guess I have no palate,
because Bourbon tastes like whiskey to me! Sacrilege, I know!) Did you know that you can not call a whiskey Bourbon
unless it contains at least fifty-one percent corn? You also must age it in virgin white oak barrels. (Virgin
as in brand new, never-before-used, can only use the barrel once.)
The distilleries age most of the whiskey six to eight years. The maximum aging is about twenty-three years.
Each barrel starts out at 52.5 gallons. They lose about seven percent of the volume the first year then three percent
each year after the first. After eight years each barrel contains around forty gallons of whiskey. After
twenty-three years, the barrel has only five gallons left.
The process of making whiskey is extremely fascinating. The distillery puts the grain through a rolling mill that
"mashes" it. They cook the mash, cool it, then add a little mash from a previous batch. They let that ferment
to make a beer (really ... they call it beer and it is about 6% alcohol.) They distill the beer twice to raise the alcohol
level to around 70 percent.
We also spent hours driving through the horse country in Kentucky. It is certainly beautiful in the spring and
summer. I had forgotten how narrow the back roads are in that part of the country. Here in Texas most of the roads
(even the rabbit trails) have a breakdown lane or at least shoulders wide enough to park on!
As much fun as it was in Louisville, the sadness we feel still permeated our pleasure. We left Louisville, sad
to leave Brian but looking forward to getting on the road again.
One of Diana's favorite places to eat when traveling East is a Bob Evan's restaurant. We ate several meals at a
Bob Evan's place near our hotel in Louisville. We picked up a map of all the Bob Evans restaurants and noted that the
Bob Evans homestead was in Rio Grande (pronounced Rye-oh Grand ... here in Texas it would be Ree-oh Grahn-day), Ohio.
We decided to go there to see where it all began. Coincidentally, my sister Debbie went to college in Rio Grande.
The Bob Evans place was interesting and we spent the night in town. We left in the morning and headed up the eastern
boundary of Ohio. A beautiful but long trip to Geneva.
The three days we spent in Geneva was where we began to feel normal. We talked a little about Eric but mostly laughed
and enjoyed ourselves much as we did before Eric died. My friends up there were perfect for what we needed at this time.
They listened when we needed to talk about Eric and said nothing. They seemed to know there is nothing anyone can say
to make things better but just having someone to listen or hold your hand is often more than enough.
We left Geneva and went to Mansfield to visit one of Diana's oldest friends. (She is actually younger than Diana
but they have been friends longer than anyone else Diana knows!) Barb made us feel so welcome in her home ... as
if we were part of her family. She also has the knack of just listening. We thoroughly enjoyed visiting her and
I love her backyard. I recommend it as a great place to just sit and think; to contemplate the past and the future;
to truly relax.
We laughed more in those few days in Geneva and Mansfield than we have in the entire time since Eric's accident
on March 4th. It was an unbelievable relief to feel normal again, even for a few hours. Terry and Joyce, Don and
Joyce, and Barb are really phenomenal friends.
We left Ohio and returned home by June 28th.
The sadness has overwhelmed me again here at home. The difference now is I know it will get better. I know
after those few days in Ohio that I can feel normal and really enjoy life again. It will take time ... lots of time,
I fear ... but now I have the strength to go on.
The grief and pain is still nearly unbearable but not all the time like it was. It comes on in waves that last
for several hours before fading a little. Sleep is still troublesome and I feel tired all the time and I still have
little or no motivation to do anything. But I know it will get better in time.
I had intended this to be the final update, but I have much more to say so I will probably write a couple of more letters.
I suppose as long as it helps me cope with my grief I will continue.
Thanks to all of you who e-mailed jokes and encouraging messages while we were gone. I still have 121 messages
to respond to (and a lot of jokes to forward.) I'll get them done over the next few days. I also plan to send
a few pictures from our trip. I'll send two or three at a time so it won't clog up anyone's machine.
By the way, if any of you go to Geneva, Ohio, you must eat at the Best Friends restaurant next to the Howard Johnson's
motel. It is one of the best cafes in the country. Excellent food, plenty of it, very low prices and outstanding
service.
Sincerely,
Dave and Diana Dopp
301 Windcrest Drive
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